Elder Benjamin Michael Conover Mission Blog : Week 55: Last Week Was A Valley, And This Week, A Mountain

Hello Everyone!

Another week of the mission came and went, and the Lord blessed us with a great, hard week.

On Monday, we had a great PDay, and we went on a hike to a place called ¨Cabeza Del Indio.¨ We went as a district and it was a really fun time.

About Two or Three Weeks ago, I prayed that I would be given a challenge in my life to allow me to be closer to the Lord. I pleaded with him to do it, but to please allow the investigators to continue to progress, but to allow me to pass through a difficult circumstance to learn something.

Well, It came.

For a while, I felt like I had lost the Spirit. I felt like when I taught, I was left by myself, and I consistently fell into a dark hole of saddness. I began to panic and to worry about my worthiness, racking my brain for the reason I felt like I was missing something.

These feelings have persisted for a while, and they have been painful, however, everything accumulated together on Wednesday. We had a fairly difficult day, and we ended up having to knock doors (which basically means everything else failed). However, we were going to have an appointment with the Familia Sosa in the afternoon, so we were happy.

They canceled 10 minutes before the appointment. Ouch.

Then, about an hour later, they called, telling us that they don't have time to listen to us, and told us to go get the Book of Mormon. That really hurt. That, plus the lack of the Spirit I felt destroyed me, and all I wanted to do was sit down in the little pile of dirt and trash I was next to and cry. However, we had an appointment right then, so I couldn't do that, as tempting as it sounded.

When we got to the house, I felt really bad, so I went into the bathroom, closed the door, and just got on my knees, praying that the Lord supported me in the lesson. We then gave the lesson about the restoration, and we watched the video. During the video, I opened my scriptures, and I read D&C 58:4. and I felt the Spirit again. It was a great comfort, but things were still hard. so we bought ice cream before going in for the night.

On Friday, we had zone conference, which was good, but the feelings of abandonement and saddness came back. I felt really down and I got a headache and got sick. I just kept on thinking about what happened and why I couldn't feel the spirit.

Well, lets fast forward a couple of days.

We worked really hard this week to get people to church, and the Lord gave us such a blessing. Last week we were super disappointed that no one showed up, and the less active member destroyed me. Well, the Lord blessed us SO MUCH.

We got an inactive family of three to church, the Familia Guevara, we got the Familia Chavez to church, Gabriela, Guadalupe, Juan Olguin, and two more non members came. We had 8 investigators at church in total, and two inactives that we were reactivating. It was incredible. I felt so much joy, and our only challenge was ¨corralling¨ the herd of investigators and making sure everyone had a friend. It was incredible.

During the meeting, I was sitting and thinking, and suddenly an overwhelming feeling of love and acceptance came over me, reaching the point of tears. I felt the spirit so much, and I felt so accepted by Heavenly Father. I feel so incredibly blessed.

Finally, Gabriela should be baptized this Saturday! We are so excited and she is progressing so much!

Funny

Elder Crist told me that he heard me talking in my sleep and I was speaking in Spanish. I was so stoked.

There is a house here in my area, with a wall with little tennis-ball sized holes in it, and they have a mean dog that always barks and gets mad at us. It puts its nose through the holes, growling and what not. I have discovered how fun it is to play ¨Whack-A-Mole¨ with the dog as it puts its nose through. It is so fun to smack it with my planner hahaha.

The Lord Lives, Loves Us, and He is Our Savior and Redeemer!

Elder Conover